FAIR FIGHTING FORMULA
1. The very first phrase must be an “I” statement.
2. When you need to refer to the person with whom you are arguing, never use “you.” Use a more generic term such as “anyone”, “someone”, “a co-worker”, “a team mate”, “a friend” etc. “
You statements make a person defensive. The first reaction is to stop listening.
3. All three parts of the statement must be present, but they can be re-arranged to fit your style once you understand the formula.For this assignment use them in the sequence demonstrated.
4. Always strive for neutral language. Emotionally loaded language only escalates the situation.
5. Always use the template if you want the argument to lead to closure, and possibly behavioral changes. The template has 3 parts: The description of the event, your thoughts and feelings and your reactions to the other’s behavior that can have consequences to the other party.
INSTRUCTIONS: Think of some argument, disagreement, and expression of resentment or anger that you or a friend had recently. Re-frame your thoughts using the template. Examples are given here to help guide you.
“When I ________________________”
[Neutrally describe the event or situation causing you problems.
For example, “see co-workers leaving work early when important projects must be completed by the
end of the work day”], “
I _______________________ “[
find a way to describe your feelings or thoughts.
Remember you own your own emotions; no one can reach out and force you to think or feel in a given way. For example, “I feel resentful and think poorly of my colleagues”] “and I _______________
[describe the consequences in a constructive way. For example, “I am unwilling to do them any favors and consider reporting their actions to our boss.”
Create a single sentence containing the 3 parts in the single sentence.
Label each part of the sentence.For example,
“When I ____________ (You fill in the words) and label it “Neutral description of the event.”Continue the sentence with “I__________________ and label what you put in this section “Description of my feelings or thoughts”.Lastly, fill in the final part ___________________ and label it “Description of the consequences to the other party.”
Briefly describe the situation and the other’s behavior in a single paragraph.This gives me context to grade your fair fighting statement.
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